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I don't know & you don't either! Militant Agnostic's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
I don't know & you don't either! Militant Agnostic

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[20 Feb 2012|12:04pm]
Bump for nondeletion
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[13 Jan 2010|01:36am]
Life is funny.

Did I say funny? I meant...

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Livejournal auto-posting is the wave of the future! [03 Sep 2007|03:58pm]
Why bother coming up with new ideas when we can have a script generate them from our OLD ideas? Bloody brilliant!

Let the quasi-insightful absurdity commenceCollapse )

The first paragraph is pretty much solid gold. Tennyson, eat your heart out.

In other news, my father goes under the knife tomorrow. The surgery is expected to take three to five hours. While I am relieved that his aneurysm hasn't burst before surgery, I cannot begin to describe the trepidation I feel. I am doing anything I can to distract myself.
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[26 Aug 2007|09:42pm]
My dad has an aortic aneurysm and my best friend just stole the girl I like!

Hahahahahahahahaahahahah! Sucks to be me, huh?

Enjoy it, Haters.
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[02 Jul 2007|06:52pm]
H.A.A.R.P. and iPhone come online the same day. Coincidence? I think so.
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What a time to be alive [19 Jun 2007|02:37am]
Even Bob Barker can be replaced. The world has truly gone mad.
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[06 May 2007|06:14pm]
Take a look at this short film for Fox's new reality show "On The Lot" starring me! If you like it go to the official site and give it a five star ranking or a rave review. If you don't like it, take it up with the director!

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It's nice that bad movies can still get made. [16 Apr 2007|05:34am]
I saw Pathfinder with Shae and Kyle. We had all just had all the steak we could eat, which in my case was 30 ounces - one 12 ounce and three 6 ounce steaks. I also got a free salad and free fruit punch so I was in a pretty good mood. It was nice to see Shae actually eat and even though I didn't expect much from the movie I wanted to spend a little more time around her since it's been a while and she and Kyle are planning on moving into an apartment in a few weeks so they'll either get really serious or break up as a result. The movie was just as unimpressive as I expected and I expected it to be pretty unimpressive,

First, it was in a very small theater and even that small theater was quite sparsely seated. I was grimacing even before the movie started. It's not too bad in the beginning, native american (here forth referred to as "indian") chick finds wreck of a viking ship and there are all these bodies and a lone little white boy with a sword who she takes back to her tribe and the council allows her to raise as her own and then he has a nightmare about how he wouldn't kill a little baby so his viking father whips and I assume abandons him to return to europe in one of the other long boats. The story takes place in like 800 a.d. and the longboat seemed a little bit large with a little bit advanced technology on it to me but I haven't specifically looked it up yet.. Just a thought, though. So fifteen years later we see the happy village for a while and some other village nearby with some characters in it, whatever. Some chief, his daughter, and some brave who hardly ever talks but seems pretty bad ass and doesn't like our white protagonist guy. Then he goes into the woods with some 12 year old girl as her "protector" but she wanders off and gets killed by vikings and then the vikings go and kill everyone in our guy's village. They had a bunch of horses with them, too. As if I already didn't think that the longboats were inaccurately large, now they have all these horses.  I actually didn't immediately realize that there were two villages and I thought they just killed every other indian character right there at the beginning. They had the leader of that village captive and were battling with him. They end up killing him right when our protagonist shows up and they stick a sword in the ground, "maybe he knows how to use one" and then when he doesn't immediately attack the leader tells some subordinate to take it from him before he hurts himself. This is about the coolest part of the film because he kicks the sword up into an upward slash and in the process flips the little divet of dirt right into the viking's face, distracting him long enough to score on the up slash and then brings it down right across his face, knocking his left eye out. The movie is pretty gory, but the special effects are pretty terrible. When he grabs a shield and runs away, the vikings are shooting arrows at him and the arrows flying around him look like total crap. They also dismember a lot of people in battle but again the computer graphics are pretty crappy. Same deal with lots of the blood sprays that they add. Maybe 300 has spoiled me for computer generated blood sprays.

So he's running from the vikings and then there's a (get this) sled chase scene. He goes down this hill on the shield and the vikings grab these sleds out of nowhere and start chasing him. Kyle said that the sleds were probably the indians sleds but if they like sledding so damn much they picked a pretty piss poor place to do it since at the end he goes sailing off a cliff and into this huge waterfall. There were a lot of scenes that reminded me of Predator and that was one of them. There are actually several scenes where they get wet and then immediately go into the cold winter weather. I guess indians and vikings are immune to hypothermia. That actually reminds me that apparently while these indians hadn't discovered how to forge metal they must have had bikini wax because our hero is once again hasn't a hair on his body. I can buy the indians looking like that but I'm pretty sure that vikings are hairy. Anyway, he stumbles along and finds our other-tribe characters wandering through a cave and tries to warn them then collapses. The chief's daughter is all over him and there's a little discussion and <i>right then</i> a bear decides to attack them. It kicks all their asses for a while but then the old chief calls out to the bear and just bows down like he's going to let the bear eat him. It charges at him but at the last moment he sets a spear and pikes that mother fucker. That's how an indian kills a bear. This was a pretty heavy handed bit of foreshadowing, the second in the movie. The first comes when our protagonist goes out on a frozen lake and we see a shot from under the ice of it cracking under his feet.

So they take him back to their vilage and give him some big medicine, fix him back up. Then they decide to abandon the village before the vikings get there because of the superior forged metal viking weaponry, which I can only assume there was probably a decent amount of on that wrecked boat from fifteen years before but nobody except our guy seems to have any interest in. He decides to go fight them. He immediately gets followed by this mute guy that only ever plays a flute. Then later we find out the chief's daughter has also gone to follow him and that prompts the stoioc brave to go after them too. It seems like the rest of the tribe is going to keep following the chief to the next village but later that seems not to be the case. Our protagonist guy sets up all these traps, again very much like Predator, and ambushes a bunch of vikings. He doesn't take their steel weapons or armor, though. Not even for that mute dude, which is a shame because there's this scene in a cave where a viking finds the chief's daughter and the mute tries to defend her with a sharp stick .Needless to say he ends up dead. Still, they manage to kill quite a few of the vikings one or two at a time for a while and that part was kind of like Seven Samurai which was pretty cool. Then there's this scene that again ruins everything (this is a recurring theme, the movie almost sucks me in for a minute then totally betrays my faith). Our protagonist just stands on this rock and presents himself to all the vikings, expecting that they'll charge him but there's this pit trap he's prepared in advance. He's got one of their heads, or at least their helmets and he's taunting them with it. The regulars want to charge but the viking leader is suspicious, something about it doesn't seem right to him and he orders them to hold. I don't know why, at this point, they don't just shoot him with those bows they were using like crazy when he was first running away but they don't. Probably to make the next ridiculous scene plausable. See, just at that moment again the stoic brave and a whole bunch of other indians, like pretty much the whole tribe comes out of nowhere, charge the vikings, and stupidly fall into the pit trap like total idiots. Then the vikings jump into the pit and start beating the shit out of them.

Then the protagonist guy and the chief's daughter are watching the vikings from a distance and they're torturing that stoic brave guy, roasting him over a fire. Our main man wants to go rescue him but the chief's daughter stops him from attacking, apparently they wouldn't stand a chance against all of them. Then an arrow comes out of nowhere and kills the brave and we see the chief is there with a bow. I guess it was better just to put him out of his misery for some reason instead of trying to rescue him even though firing that arrow attracted the vikings' attention and they end up getting captured anyway so I don't really know why they didn't try to rescue that dude. At least they killed some vikings before they went down. The chief, too. He demonstrated a few sweet old man skills. I would have liked to see more of that but they tied him in a tree attached to some horses and quartered him, which was pretty cool I guess. He gave our protagonist guy some sage advice about that whole bear thing. I guess the foreshadowing wasn't heavy handed enough for the director. Anyway, they only quartered him because they wouldn't show them where the next village was. Our white indian clams up and lets them quarter the chief but then they're just going to cut one of the chick's hands off and he caves, speaks to them in his native language and all that business. I guess it's better to be a hot chick than an old man.

Or maybe not, they try to rape her on the march but he protects her. Then he tries to tell them to go around the frozen lake but they decide to go across it anyway and a bunch of them fall through the ice including him. Yet another scene where people go from soaking wet right back into the snow and ice without any problem whatsoever. Then he leads them through this narrow mountain pass. He tells them they should all tie each other together so they don't fall or whatever. Strong vikings can catch one another, I'm sure right? So they don't want to do it until one of them falls to his death, then they do. The one who lost the eye is all like "He's leading us nowhere" but then he shows them the fires of the next village in the distance and tells the chick to hit him so she does and she's all kicking the crap out of him and the vikings are laughing at him until they smack that bitch. The leader tells him that he better straighten up if he wants to be a viking (I guess his daddy was a friend of this leader dude). So he unties her and tears the back of her clothes open and starts twirling this little thing like he's going to whip her but instead he throws it to the back of the line of vikings and knocks the last guy off the cliff. I guess vikings aren't as strong as all that because they just start falling off that damn mountain like dominoes. For a pugilistic people they don't seem to be very quick with the blades either or they could probably have cut those ropes before it came their turn to go down. So most of the vikings fall, but for some reason the leader and the number two dangle by themselves with the guy as a counterweight. He jumps off and over this tree to keep from being dragged down but then their dangling there side by side except there's two on the leader's side so he tells his second in command guy to climb up to him but he just grabs the knife out of his mouth and cuts him loose so he can climb back up. He's doing it too and he climbs all up there and starts throwing rocks at our guy while he tried to climb up and he's yelling all these insults at him but then he yells back so hard he starts an avalance. A <i>stock footage</i> avalance, to be specific. I can't believe they still use stock footage in moies. So anyway, this avalance comes and wipes out all the remaining vikings. Or so we think because after it the viking leader comes out of nowhere and he has to battle him and drop him off the cliff. Then he finds his chick and she goes to live with the other village and has a zillion babies and he watches the coast to make sure the vikings don't come back, burns their boats and what not. Then, thankfully, it's over. At least it's not very long, I'll say that for it.

So that's the movie. I just saved you ten bucks. You can thank me later. In conclusion, this is a bad movie but the kind of bad movie I can still somewhat enjoy. I think bad movies need to start embracing their crappiness from the very beginning. Like Snakes On A Plane. With that movie, you know what you're getting into from the start. This movie should have just been titled honestly like that, <i>Indians vs Vikings</i> and I think a lot more people would have gone to see it. At least it delivers that much, even if most of the indians are stupid enough to fall right into a pit.

That was a pretty good movie review. If I don't get called into work tomorrow, I'll probably clean up the language and submit it to the IMDB.
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Prediction: [01 Apr 2007|09:46pm]
[as] will not be showing the Aqua Teen movie at 10. April Fools!
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[18 Mar 2007|12:52pm]
Yesterday was St. Patrick's day. I was in the process of temporarily coloring my hair and beard green when Russell stopped by. I think he just wanted to smoke and go home but I captured him and forced him to drink 151 screwdrivers with me then go to the mall. We got drunker at Garfield's (entirely my treat) and bothered Chelsie and Stacy at work. Chelsie balled me out for being too loud and obscene which must be pretty loud and obscene for Hot Topic and I antagonized Stacy's ex boyfriend slightly but I was getting irritated that I had been to Penny's twice without being able to find her to remove the security tags she forgot to remove from the jeans my mom bought me like a week ago. I feel bad that my mom hasn't been introduced at all to either Stacy or Chelsie and Stacy said she wouldn't mind having dinner with my family sometime. I actually avoided that situation a couple weeks ago and a good opportunity hasn't come up since then. As we were walking away from him, I also said "He doesn't like me" to Russell and Russell made a comment that I hope I was the only one to hear and I just shrugged off. A lot of people ended up coming to my house but Stacy didn't. She went to some other party hosted by some real Irish guy. She said she would stop by at my place too but she didn't. I ended up getting so drunk I really didn't think much about it. I called her right before I passed out and she said she was home and getting ready to go to sleep too but I still missed her.

In other news, Kelly is in jail. She may be getting out this Friday and she wants me to pick her up and stay the night but I actually was much happier staying here in town with Stacy this last Friday night than I have been in as long as I can remember visiting Kelly. I used to think that if I stopped spending the night with her she would get horribly depressed but it seems like she gets horribly depressed either way so it's a no win situation and I guess I should just do what makes me the happiest.. Although I guess if I followed that logic all the way I'd probably be on a plane tomorrow.
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[13 Mar 2007|12:50pm]
Today I had grand aspirations of taking another group of my friends for an arduous walk very much like the one I took Quay and RJ and Corey on last year when it first got warm. After several months of ice and snow I can't imagine anything that could possibly be more pleasant than spending time outside in a t shirt. However, the people I would have liked to take this year are too busy doing other things like visiting their sisters or staying in bed all afternoon or drudging away at a thankless job on the other side of the country or being treated at their community psychiatric counselling center so I went alone.

I'm glad that I live someplace that has seasons. I think my friends in places like California or Arizona must have a harder time staying aware of the passing years without seasons. As for me, when I was wading through thigh deep snow a week ago, to be able to switch to my summer clothes and spend time outside it causes me to become very nearly chipper. I would have even taken my laptop with my to write this on location in the woods but it's still reformatting. It's been reformatting for about nine days now and it's gotten to the point that even though I imagine I might be better off simply repartitioning my stubborn curiousity leads me to wait patiently to see what will happen when it finally gets to 100%. Likewise, I could have written from my phone but then Aaron McGruder might accuse me of using Nigger Technology and I'd hate for that to happen so I just put it off until I got home and sat down in front of a desktop computer, something that doesn't happen all that much lately. Also, I'm decidedly indoors so I fear I may be losing some of the giddiness I was enjoying earlier. Somehow, I doubt my writing will suffer on that account.

When preparing for an arduous walk, it's very important to choose the correct provisions. I dug out one of my military belt packs and filled it with my digital camera, spare batteries, a flask of water, and two fish sandwiches with pickles. I've discovered that I really enjoy what pickles add to a good fish sandwich. They really bring out the tartar sauce, you know? Also, I wonder if I may be on my way to becoming geriatric since I eat so many fish sandwiches - though I don't drink coffee with them just yet.

After some debating I decided to stick to my original plan of going to Blackhand gorge. It's a little further away and I had to buy some gas to get there but it was fully worth the trip. I wanted to find some ice deposits similar to the ones I had found with Paul and Dale several years ago when we went in the early Spring. Aparently this Winter was either less icy or the Spring has been warmer or wetter or some combination of all the above since the remaining ice was not nearly so impressive.. Or at least not that I could see. There is a particular hollow that I would really liked to have climbed down into but when you're by yourself if you fall and break your neck there's not really anyone to drag you back to the path or tell you just how much has been accomplished by quadropalegics through the ages. I did get pictures of a couple ice deposits that I would insert here if photobucket was working correctly right now but it isn't. I will try to motivate myself to come back and insert them at a later time when it is.

This would also be a good place to insert the map of Blackhand Gorge for your reference. Ordinarily, I would just hotlink to its hosted location on the park department's servers but they don't have it in the form of an image file, just a pdf file. I went to all the trouble of ripping the map out of the pdf and converting it to an image and I was planning on hosting it and posting it right here but again photobucket isn't working right at the moment. If you'd really like to see it, here is the pdf file.

I decided to park at the North parking lot and I was happy to see that there were no other cars there. From that lot, there are two trails available for my enjoyment, the Marie Hickey tail and the Oak Knob trail. At this point I will waste a few sentences to allow my dirty minded readers to snicker to themselves. You know who you are - the ones who love Big Sausage Supreme Pizza from Papa John's or on channel 499.

Oak Knob trail is much shorter but has the perk of circling the ruins of a nitroglycerin plant that exploded in 1930. This is a bit of conjecture since this is only mentioned on one web page and said page also mentions a steel sign explaining said explosion which I failed to find. However, there are ruins on that trail that it only takes a little imagination to visualize being of a nitroglycerin plant. I took a photo of them but... yeah. I wonder how many workers were killed and if they were very surprised. I don't think that I would choose to work at a nitroglycerin plant under even the most economically depressed conditions. At least whoever built it had the presence of mind to put it far enough from anything else that when (not if) it exploded it didn't take anything else with it. I still want to know the whole story, though.

"Goodbye, Dear. I'm off to work at the nitroglycerin plant!"
"Be careful!"

The story practically writes itself.

The Marie Hickey trail is considerably longer with a less obscene potential pun and less exploded factories but more opportunities to plummet to one's nearly certain demise. In fact, at one point I found myself on a ridge looking down some twenty feet at a railroad bridge which as a kid I always noticed being frighteningly high above the river. This dizzying elevation didn't bother me as much as it would have when I was younger, probably because I am much more able to simply discount the remotest possibility of slipping and falling, sure footed adult that I have become. When I was younger, I could barely run across the back yard without tripping over my own legs.

The Marie Hickey trail circles by the nicest waterfall in the park, one that is accessable from the main trail and as a result had some less advanced hikers lollygagging around it. I decided not to stop there and went on to the deeper waterfall and gorge. That's where the really nice ice accumulation usually is but I only got a distant pic of it, not that you can see that either. Again, I didn't want to fall on my head with no one around.

The Marie Hickey trail is 2 miles and the Oak Knob trail is .4 miles. I hiked both of them twice. By the end I think I was hallucinating because I'm sure I heard a deer and a blue jay having a conversation about who Rudy Giuliani stood less of a chance in hell of defeating, Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton and how Ed Koch may be a better choice since he looks kind of like a groundhog.

That's when I decided I'd had enough walking for one day and went home.
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I haven't slept in days... [24 Feb 2007|07:04am]
Wednesday I met Stacy at the club and I expected to leave with her but she told me she was going home with Rachel instead so I went to Columbus to see Kelly. Stacy called me right before I got to Kelly's to be a bitch about the fact that I was obviously attracted to her at the club and I just told her that it was my right and that she needed to stop acting like she was completely not attracted to me. Then the fire trucks pulled up in front of Kelly's house. Kelly was so drunk that she was completely incoherent all day. All I wanted to do was get six or seven hours of uninterrupted sleep but she wouldn't let me. She woke me up so many times in so many different moods it was literally frightening. She brought me breakfast in bed even though I was tired and not at all hungry but I ate it anyway and praised her then the next thing I knew I was being woken up with her stumbling in wailing and crying over nothing. By 11:00am I had only gotten maybe a total of 3 hours sleep and none of it in a long enough stretch to achieve REM. The final straw was that she was waking me up by smashing things downstairs and I was trying unsuccessfully to ignore it and go back to sleep but then I heard her stomping up the stairs and I was hoping against hope that she was just going to the bathroom but she burst into the bedroom and she had the darkest most hateful expression on her face and just raised her middle finger at me and told me to fuck off (she was mad at that point because I had told her to shut up so I could sleep several times). So I got up and put my shoes on in preparation to leave. I went into the bathroom for a little while and then went downstairs to find her sprawled out motionless on the floor amid the mess she'd made. I just ignored it and got myself a glass of juice. By that time, the phone that was off the hook was giving away the fact that she had arranged herself in that position just before I came downstairs because it was just then beginning to make the off-the-hook tone. I went out to the thrift stores and told her that she had better pull her shit together by the time I came back. She really hadn't but my mood was improved because I got some cool stuff at one of the stores, this kind of sweet musical toy with live batteries, a newish indiglo Armitron watch for a quarter that I had a battery at home to fit (Wal Mart only sold the battery for my retro Casio Silver Wave in two packs) and most significantly an Audiovox PPC4100 in like new condition with box. It's similar to my Wallaby except with twice the RAM and a brighter screen. I took it home and hacked it to work with my Cingular card and went online and found a qwerty keyboard that's compatible with it. When it's all together it'll look like this:

<center><img src="http://www.tengo.net/images/4100/tengo4100.gif"></center>

The factory configuration only has two buttons which isn't enough for playing good games on it but this keyboard should be fun. The sweet thing is that I got the keyboard attachment for only $10 shipped. There was one at auction starting at 9.99 plus 7.99 shipping and there was a link to an auction where you could buy it now for 19.99 plus 7.99 but it also had a make an offer slot where I just offered $2 since I saw they had like 86 of them available and they accepted it so that's sweet. I think I may try to get Kelly's Wizard out of Pawn since I saw the notification post card that it wasn't too late and I finally got paid today.

Stacy called me last night apologizing for her behavior on the phone and I was nice to her but I didn't invite her over like I usually do and then she called again tonight and I did the same thing, our normal long phone conversation but no attempt to see her. I had thought over the situation with her a lot too and I decided that I was going to cut back on her presence in my life unless she gave my feelings some consideration and it didn't take her long at all to start worrying that I didn't want to spend time with her anymore. I had a different attitude with her, too. The fact that I had accepted that I may have to cut her out of my life allowed me to not worry so much about how she was going to react to some of the things I said and I totally nailed her on intentionally putting up walls between us and we worked on figuring out why they were there and she acknowledged that she really should find me attractive. I'm just going to keep working on it and see where it goes.

I expected a call to teach this morning but instead Kelly called me and told me that she realized her ferret wasn't in her house anymore. It sounds like it got out during the day on Wednesday and maybe if she hadn't been so pissed all day Thursday we might have known it and looked for her. I think it's still possible that she'll turn up and I really do like her, I hope she hasn't frozen to death. I read an article that said Ferrets were pretty good in cold weather so at this point she probably is hiding someplace warm enough for her to survive but Kelly hasn't been doing a very good job of searching and she keeps trying to use it as leverage to get me to come up there again already, which I really am hesitant to do after her behavior Thursday. She told me that she managed to connect with her neighbor and get some pot which I approve of much more than the alcohol (which I confiscated before I left). However, she also told me that one of the people who smokes it is a 12 year old kid which I really disapprove of and she's been calling me over and over again tonight acting like she's overcome with sadness while I was trying to talk to Stacy. She basically hasn't let even a single long enough period for me to sleep pass since Wednesday night and I taught history today. Thank god there's no school on the weekends but she's pressuring me so much to visit her. Also, one of her voice mails strongly implied that she had also done some cocaine and I really disapprove of that. No wonder she's all miserable!

Okay, I was up until 6:00am talking to Stacy and ignoring Kelly's calls and now I'm passing out as I type. My phone is on Vibrate only and I'm feeling more or less satisfied with how things are going. If I thought I could just go up and magically pull the ferret out of a hole or something I would totally to it but that pet was her responsibility...

to sleep, perchance to dream
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What the hell is with these Aquarians? [16 Feb 2007|03:06pm]
Okay, something strange is officially happening. This week, people I know have had and will be having birthdays on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Quay then Jamie then Amy then Chris then Stacy then Chyna. This seems like more than a coincidence.
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It'll be a frigid Valentine [13 Feb 2007|07:45pm]
I didn't have to work today, high school was canceled and it's already canceled for tomorrow too. Kelly wants me to go see her but I'm pretty sure I won't. We're having the very worst kind of weather I think exists - the ice storm. I went outside and there was already over a quarter of an inch coating everything. It makes a certain noise as it falls, it's hard to describe. Like a gentle splattering sound. It falls as slush, you see. By tomorrow morning everything will be frozen solid. Hellishly so, like Dante's ninth circle. I may take some pictures though when the sun is up because it is contrastingly beautiful at the same time, like crystal sculpture.

I took Chelsie out last night. We went to the Chinese buffet and I felt bad because she ate so very little. Next time she gets to pick where we go. I ate oysters and it brought up a sex conversation. She's not satisfied with Russel's performance and I find that hilarious. She also brought up her strong desire to cheat under such circumstances and I'm sure she wants to cheat with me. I don't know if I'll let her or not but it certainly amuses me either way. I took her to the adult novelty shop and tried to get her to buy the "large dong" that I always try to get all girls to buy and think about me but she said he'd throw a huge fit. She was trying to be a bitch and buy something for him instead of something for her but I wouldn't allow that and we compromised on an imitation pocket rocket. It turns out that real pocket rockets don't even have metal nubs on them anymore! The imitation one did and it was endorsed by some sex therapist, I dunno. It had four rubber caps with varying levels of nubbage and a little purple mesh bag to keep it in and it was only like $13. The pocket rocket came with nothing and it was over thirty! I can't imagine. Anyway, she was pretty happy with it.

We picked up Stacy on the way back to town and had a really funny conversation in the car about their increasing sexual frustration/dissatisfaction. I don't know exactly where it's all going but I think I like it. It may turn out to piss me off, though. Of course.

When there's no school I should exercise or get my auctions posted on eBay but instead I mainly just lay around naked. My grandma's cat got spayed today and I had to go pick it up before the place closed on account of the ice storm. She's super worried about the little kitty but I'm sure she'll be okay. I tried to get her to leave it in the cage overnight and I told her that if she let it out and it got internal injuries it would be her fault but she let it out anyway and now she's worried to death that it IS going to get internal injuries and it'll be her fault. The cat actually seems just fine, very comfortable and not even in a particularly bad mood for having just gone through a hysterectomy. It's really something how much my grandma loves her.
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That weekend could have been more relaxing... [04 Feb 2007|05:56pm]
I was really glad to get out of school Friday night. I got a random unsolicited text message that said Capricorns should be more boyishly playful and romantic and I was feeling it after being couped up with those kids all week and having to be more responsible than I really am. I was supposed to take Stacy to Chinese buffet but again she didn't answer early enough. I guess she was getting some shit with her checking account straightened out so she could have access to her money she got paid or whatever. Understandable but I wish I was a higher priority with her. Still, I was undaunted. I ate pizza with my parents and drank a 40. I don't even have any shame about drinking in front of them anymore. Then I went to the mall and ran into Kyle and Shae. I gave Kyle a Lazertag marker and we had a battle in the mall. It really did feel pretty good to have some childish fun. I incorporated Chelsie into the game and she was griping but it's really not always a bad thing for girls to yell at you, especially if it's for having fun. After the mall closed I picked up Stacy and we went back to my house. I was going to bring her out to the filming with Cameron but once she gets into the warm it's hard to get her to go back out into the cold. I still got to use her as the other half of the phone conversation. Oh! I suppose I could post the current draft of the script to this short film for anyone who's interested - here it is, the film scriptCollapse ) forgive the formatting errors but they're bound to happen when you convert something to ascii like this. It's in some format that's specifically for writing screenplays. I think it's called Firstcut or Firstdraft or something like that. I don't have a copy but I feel like I ought to download it just to be like "Oh, yeah. I got that" and he'd be all like "You have a $600 screenplay writing application?" and I can just be like "Yeah" [shrug]. Anyway, we got the phone call scene in the can and I went back to the house. Kevin had showed up by then. Stacy wanted to hang out with Melissa but she had to work that day. They made plans to see each other Saturday night. I told her I wasn't there but she could still hang out at my house if she wanted to. We watched Lady In The Water and then a Viva La Bam marathon, or at least part of it. She decided to head home at the same time Kevin was going home so I asked him to give her a ride and then as they were leaving it occurred to me that Stacy might like Kevin. He's thin and he has glasses and he's reserved. I think she likes guys that are a little more forward than him but who knows. The sad thing is that that occurrence didn't make me happy for Kevin, it made me jealous. Probably because I've actually been having dreams about Stacy lately. I actually had two about her last night but I can only remember one.

So yeah, last night. I went up to Columbus. I'm all about the thrift stores but I do go to see Kelly too, even though I'm really not that into her. At least I was expecting to get some of that affection that I so sorely need on a regular basis but it really wasn't there either. She wouldn't go out with me other than to get her money order cashed at the post office. We didn't have sex, I slept in the bed while she slept on the couch.. Everything was just less than satisfactory. I went to the Kroger and had a very important conversation right up until the security guard decided to hassle me and bring that important conversation right to a screeching halt. I'm unbelievably pissed. I'm so pissed that even though I didn't want to write a complaint letter last night while I was in Columbus I'm still more than pissed enough to write it tonight. I talked to Shae for a while to, she was worried because Kyle didn't call her at all last night even though he promised to and it's a good thing I'm writing this right now because I promised I'd call her today at this time and I'd like to seem reliable that way so I'll go ahead and do that. [time passes] Okay, that's done. Everything worked out exactly like I told her it would. She loves me because she thinks I'm always right. I hope she's not disappointed when I end up wrong eventually. Just like I hope I didn't upset anybody too much.

I wonder if Stacy and Mooch hung out here at my house last night when I wasn't here? Nothing seemed at all disturbed so I kind of doubt it, though it's possible. There also must have been a brownout because some of my equipment was shut off in that way that tells me there was a brownout. Maybe she and Kevin fell madly in love! How likely is that? Yeah, I know exactly how likely it is but it still is a possibility that irritates me. Especially since she isn't answering her phone nor is Ryan nor Melissa and we were all supposed to drive half an hour and eat Indian food together tonight. The place closes in an hour and a half so I believe I will give all of them one more call [more time passes] Okay, Melissa just ate and Stacy is still not answering her phone even though she would easily be off work by now. I was really looking forward to us all going out to eat together and now it's not happening. I'm supposed to be better at making group activities happen, it's part of being a manager. Do I really need to start treating these people like school children? Mooch said that she didn't hang out with Stacy last night and I didn't hear from her so now I really wonder what she was doing. I left her a somewhat annoyed voice mail just now...

In fact, I'm beginning to feel solidly annoyed. I would like to focus on the positive aspects of the weekend especially considering there's the possibility that I might get a phone call at six tomorrow morning asking me to sub again. Oh well, I'm sure I'll hear from Stacy by then and I guess not going out to eat saves me money... Money that I can spend on... um... nothing, I guess. Maybe on hotel and rental car across the country. Ooh maybe I'll go tanning. That might feel good. I'd really like to know what's up with at least one of the girls I'm concerned about first though. Maybe I'll just get drunk and play video games. I wonder if I can get Rogue Galaxy yet.
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It's so gratifying to give something back to the young people [29 Jan 2007|04:23pm]
Today I got paid a hundred dollars to stand around and watch teenage girls in shorts and tank tops do aerobics. Substitute teaching is quite possibly the best part time job ever, except for the getting up at six in the morning thing but I'm getting to a spot in life where I can be awake and functional at any time on very little notice which is probably one of the big qualifications for being a good substitute teacher. I visited with old teachers who gave me good references to the other faculty, sat in with the quiz team after school, and generally got a very warm welcome into the high school club. I even ran into a girl or two that I'd already met at parties and it was a whole new kind of fun to be seen by those girls as an authority figure. I mean, I always like to relate to the opposite sex with a certain measure of authority but to literally be in that teacher/student relationship is something I'd never experienced. Anyway, tomorrow I go back and this time the subject is home economics. I will do my best not to get fired for fraternization.
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I didn't spend the night with a girl tonight but... [27 Jan 2007|04:08am]
I just watched a review of Phantasy Star Universe. Takes me back to Phantasy Star Online circa 2001. Kara and Catherine... and Kelly (I) too, I suppose. But that's beside the point.

Russell came over earlier and tried to call me out on things I was saying to Chelsie so I laid it on him in a rational and reasonable manner that he has fucked up enough of my female friends' lives and that he better watch his ass because I'm not giving him half a chance to fuck up Chelsie's. She's just into him because he's more fucked up anyway... And I'd like to think maybe a little because I'm less available but I'll keep that under my hat unless I'm alone and feeling especially sexy.

Kevin called me a Capricorn during the conversation. At the time I remember thinking he meant because I was resolute... And for the life of me I can't remember specifically why even though I wish I could because after Russell left, he told me he meant it was because I was always horny. I really do wish I could remember what I had said since it had nothing to do with the fact that even later still I went ahead and called Chelsie. Got kind of blown off under low battery pretenses but whatever. I already had that base covered since I got her a charger today anyway. Hah! Last time she can use that excuse, noidge?

And how does Kevin get off busting me out on always being horny. Just because he's always around my house and he notices how disproportionately large a percentage the attractive minority makes up my female friends? I mean, they're still my friends right? I only fuck a further minority of that minority anyway - one small enough that I'm sure I could defend the relatively altruistic motives I have for our friendships... Despite the undeniable majority of my livejournal entries whose topic is the opposite sex... Not unlike this one!

Shae sent me numerous text messages today. She likes hearing stories about Angeline because aparently she has an aunt named Angeline who lives in Chicago and is also a beautiful, geeky, and shamelessly affectionate bisexual woman. This Angeline is a painter and sculptor with breast cancer, however. That was what the text messages where about even though I addressed the topic of her boyfriend, whom I thought was a better friend than to be spreading nasty rumors about Stacy but is in fact not, nor even respectable enough to admit to (and in the process exposes himself as a liar in front of Shae.. Try to keep up, it's complicated). However, when our conversation moved from text message to messenger the topic went to how she was mad about getting grounded by her parents even though she's 18 now and how she is feeling more adult and planning to move out sometime soon and a lot of other totally charming 18 year old female issues. She's totally into Kyle and I suggested that they move in together... and I suppose I must admit knowing how ludicrous it would seem immediately to someone as perceptive as she is. Does it make me a bad person? I certainly hope not because I would certainly hate to do anything inappropriate when relating to such a lovely young lady. Lovely.

Stacy, on the other hand went on to not hang out with me again tonight - one of the reasons for the subject of this entry (it is becoming an unusual occurance of late, knock on wood). I actually haven't spent the night with Stacy since Monday.. Or maybe even Sunday! She's been wanting to spend more time alone lately, or with her older friends in light of the rumors that I uncovered floating around about her last week and I made a big deal out of. The shitty thing is that she called me up last night and messaged me several times about wanting to hang out but I was actually working (ptui -* vile four letter word) at a client's house where my cell phone reception was something like .5 bars and things were not working correctly to say the least. She says she'll be over tomorrow night though and I'm sure it'll be just great. She bought herself a Gamecube and Metroid: Prime and I got a copy of Okami for Playstation 2 and I hope that we can have some geeky bonding over at least one of the two. It should be magical... Or at least an acceptable buddy style experience with a sexy female, which is something I do treasure.

So yeah, Russell came over to hang out - challenge me intellectually a little bit (something I do also treasure) and see if I was gonna be a little bitch about my relationship with his current girlfriend, Chelsie. No dice, but I still feel like we had a friendly episode of hanging out together. I actually feel great about how truly benevolent and honest and... well, defensible I have figured out for my relationships with women to be. Hell, I think I'm even to the point where I could look guys in the eyes and tell them that it wouldn't surprise me if I eventually was with the girl who's currently their girlfriends without anybody even feeling bad about it. It's even been much harder for me since I resolved not to lie about my feelings ever again. Just artfully express them. Like how I got through this whole entry about girls only mentioning Angeline once in passing... but of course heavily encumbered by subtext.

Yeah, so I guess I mentioned a couple video games in there... There are technical subjects too - I bought a much more modern video capture card at a thrift store for $4 so I'm considering taking a stab at building a home made PVR using SaveTV.. I suppose if I was really trying to learn something I would use MythTV but I dunno if I'm fully prepared to learn Linux. Hell, there's a build of that damn program for the Xbox! Inconcievable. So, I guess I'll give it a try with the Widnows application, SageTV. Obviously, I won't be forced to become as familiar with the technical aspect but I dunno how useful that would ultimately be in getting a patent registered for the future technology concepts I have burbling in my mind. I wonder if there's a class you can take on applying for patents... Hmmm...

I sold another pair of shoes to Russell. I tell him he's lucky that he wears the same size I do but I suspect it's really the opposite that's true. This time it's the Kenneth Cole's that I posted pics of before. They really are fine shoes... But not as fine as good old American Currency. I'll have yet another pair of italian loafers next week, though. I already know which ones I'm going to buy. They're Robert Waynes and my goddamn router is being problematic again so I can't post pictures of them, or even ones that are similar.

This stupid RCA router is making it hard for me to enjoy my new 5 mbit docsis cable connection. I've been meaning to call the manufacturer and figure out what's wrong with it but today I promised my mom I'd hang out with her and my grandma needed some attention to. I managed to get in a trip to Goodwill with my mom where I didn't get a new monitor for my dad to watch Fox News (bleah) on the new higher speed internet connection like he wants to (and I will also have to iron out the damn router problems for) but I did get another Casio SK-1 sampling keyboard for $2 not unlike the one I recently sold on ebay for $70. It wouldn't start up for me but I think my universal ac/dc adapter is becoming less universal. It also wouldn't power this Teac Portasound 02 (or whatever) miniature mixing board that I got at a thrift store in the city for $4 and sells for $150 on eBay, presuming I can get it working (less if sold as-is)... Gotta get me some better power...

I was digressing so I put a stop to that. What else is there that I could mention? I guess that I went to the buffet with my family instead of straightening out the router (the call will be cheaper on the weekend anyway and I'm sure their tech support will be open) and my grandma did well but I have to concede that it's apparent that she is getting older every year. It would be very hard for me if I had to spend some time away from her but I would do it for love of my life. I ate a manly pile, two large caesar salads loaded with fried clams (don't knock it till you've tried it), one delicious decent sized very rare steak with sauteed onions and peppers, a bowl of clam chowder, two pieces of cheese pizza with some seafood salad on the side, and.. um.. a bowl of ice cream and hot fudge with brownies underneath that I didn't finish... Wow, it felt like I was eating a lot but when I list it like that it's not nearly what I used to eat at a buffet.. Hm, times change a little bit... Not that it isn't a lot but I guess I don't eat as manly a pile as I used to.

Additionally, my laptop has developed a green line on its display so I'm going to send it back to Dell once again for warranty repairs - trusting that this time will be much less of a hassle than last time. I'll certainly be getting a confirmation number when I send it to them to say the least. I'm also paying for that Jackass who bought the big Panasonic printer from me to ship it back to me. He still is trying to get a refund and I am still giving him no hope of getting one. Time after time I repeat the phrase "repair or replace at my discretion". I hope it discourages him from actually packaging up and returning the printer but even if he does and it's severely damaged, THIS time there's going to be hefty insurance on the packaging label so at least I can pass on the cost to the federal government if, as the guy claims, it was significantly damaged on the FIRST uninsured shipment.. But I digress... Although it does bring legal things to mind...

It's looking good for me to get off the hook about that legal thing. Kelly offered to take the rap for me and I'm still hoping that it'll be too much of a pain for the prosecutor from this county to get charges pressed against her in her county so I'm going to let her make her statement and get "a complaint" filed against her... If it was my ass, I would probably be looking up exactly what a complaint technically involved but I'm not doing it... Again, does that make me a bad person? She told me that no matter what I should let her do it even if it DID fuck her up. She thinks it's going to make us even, which it very well do... Too bad love isn't so fair.

This Cameron guy wants me to star in a short film he's going to submit to some Spielberg funded reality show that's going to be on some network or other. I'm not going to bother getting excited about it I'll just give a good performance as I always do when I'm asked to and maybe before I die I'll get a break, huh? No, I kid. I get breaks all the time and I hold out no serious expectations that any of them will be big or any ship that comes in will be The Queen Mary or anything like that. The character he wants me to portray is a problem drinker who has a really bad day that causes him to come to terms with some harsh realiities (exposed through dramatic voice over, which I'm sure I'll be good at) that seem to be leading him to murder his seperated wife and their child but ends up in suicide. It's dramatic, which is always more of a challenge but hey! I'll do what I can.

And now it's getting early. I want things to happen on Saturday so I'll get some sleep.
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Yes, yes... Times they are a-changin' [21 Jan 2007|03:25am]
Well, I was talking to Shae about Stacy and I discover that she's heard some really unflattering rumors about her. I told Stacy about them and she got really pissed off, just like I was pissed off. Then today, I was talking to Chelsie about it and it turns out that Chelsie had heard even more vicious rumors about her. Stacy swears that they're not true and I'm believing her. Even though I'm not involved with her, I have to stick to my plans to trust women. After all, what are the alternatives? Hopefully I'm not being deceived because I'm cutting off the people that I know these rumors came from and focusing on spending time with Stacy and other girls. It's somewhat inconvenient though because the other girls I'm friends with have boyfriends who are more or less on my out list. Hopefully I'll still be able to hang out with Dan and Ryan and other people who (as far as I know) haven't said anything obscene about any girls that I care about.

I had to have a difficult talk with Kelly about how even though I still visit her, I'm not totally convinced that she's really turned over a new leaf and that she has a long way yet to go. Of course, part of that is also that I'm still hoping that something will happen with someone I am more compatible with although the things that she said about her feelings for me were really very sweet. She really is in love with me but unfortunately I don't feel the same way about her and I had to tell her that as delicately as I could even though she still cried for an hour or more. I hate feeling up in the air and I hate not knowing who my friends are going to prove to be in the long run. I'm also putting a lot of faith in Stacy being honest with me about this stuff and if it turned out to be a lie I would be completely crushed. She's never seemed slutty to me, though. Maybe I don't understand women as well as I'd like to think I do. They still do some things that make no sense sometimes.

I wish things were like they used to be.
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I feel a change... Back to a better day [18 Jan 2007|01:11pm]
Last night had the potential to be a great night. Stacy had been calling me all day and very obviously wanted to spend time with me and then Chelsie did the same thing, planning to stop by my house once she got off work. I wore my nice dark brown leather blazer with matching vest and a brown Croft & Barrow shirt, I put together the outfit to go with the casual Kenneth Cole shoes I just recently bought.

They look kind of like these but not exactly

I was clean, my facial hair was good, I smelled good since I got a new bottle of Wings for my birthday and everything was going pretty good. I had plenty of time to be totally ready to entertain girls. Stacy called me to pick her up while I was doing dishes so I finished them and picked her up about ten minutes later. She was looking really fine and brought a change of clothes with her which is generally a good sign. We got back to my place and she was looking for some soda, which I never have any of but I offered to make tea and she said she wanted caffeine so I offered to just make coffee instead. So I start to make coffee and she sits down on the couch. Before I even get the water poured, in the door comes Quay and Ryan and Melissa. Quay and Ryan immediately go and sit down on the other two places on the couch. Of course Quay sits right next to Stacy where I had planned to sit. I am getting to the point where Quay never fails to immediately annoy me every time I see him. He hadn't been to my house at all for two days and I was glad for it. Melissa asked if she could watch American Idol on my television and I said yes but Quay immediately overruled her request because he wanted to watch the 1979 Superman on ABC. So we watched that and Melissa played video games on the small monitors. I felt bad for her. Quay tries to make all women's decisions for them and it pisses me off. Shae tells me that when they were all younger, Quay used to be a huge sucker for women and got taken advantage of a lot so it's possible that he's overcompensating but that's still no excuse. Anyway, he was annoying me as he always annoys me when there are women around.

Ryan got a call from his mother, whom he was living with until just recently and whom Russell and Chelsie are still living with. Apparently her furnace is broken and she wants them out of the house so the landlord/her boyfriend doesn't discover them living in the basement when he fixes it. He has another property that he's going to let them move into right away and waive January's rent on, though, which was another thing that upsets me since I really don't want to see them getting a place together. Right after he got off the phone, Chelsie walked in and got that news dropped on her. She obviously didn't want to to deal with it and got that business dumped on her head. She didn't seem to want to deal with it and said that she'd have Russell call Ryan about it (even though I don't know why they wouldn't just deal with his mom or even the landlord guy directly) and she also irritated me by saying that it wasn't really up to her. This implies that she's letting Russell make decisions about her life and that's a huge, huge mistake.

I had been planning to take the girls out to the club since it was one dollar mug night and they're both old enough to drink. I wasn't anticipating any resistance until the unexpected people showed up but Ryan and Melissa were both agreeable to it. Quay, on the other hand, was dead set against it and he did every little thing he could to keep it from happening. I had to apply considerably more pressure to pull it together than I usually care to and it's just another straw against Quay. We got out there and Ryan tried to get served. I really expected him to but apparently that bartender lady has bartender lady memory and knew that she'd never served him before so he wasn't able to get served without his ID. Chelsie also didn't drink because she doesn't like beer and I guess she wasn't in the mood to have any other kind of drink. She also didn't sit by me, she sat all the way at the end of the bar beside Melissa. I guess that she was more interested in visiting with Ryan and Melissa than with me anyway. She's the one who told them to stop by my house, it turns out.

Stacy and I were drinking, though. It was still early, barely 10:00 and the place was practically empty but Melissa and Chelsie were daring me to dance - probably expecting me to be too self conscious but they were dead wrong. Stacy said she wanted to dance but not alone so just the two of us went out on the dance floor together and entertained the other girls. Chelsie said that she does dance but she only knows how to dance like a hoochie and there weren't enough people on the floor for that. They all left after just something like half an hour because Melissa was hungry and didn't want the bar food they have there. They went to Tee Jays and they said that they were just going to drop the car off for Russell to take home so Chelsie could come back out and that they'd call me but apparently that plan didn't happen. Stacy and I had what I thought was a great time, though. We sat and drank and talked about our feelings and about our plans for the future and a lot of good shit like that. She was getting a headache and I even rubbed her head for her in the way I'm very good at. Some black girl came up to me and was flirting around which I always think is a good thing, to seem attractive to other women. We noticed a guy all by himself and made a bet on what his sign was then went and invaded his booth together. I left her there to chat with him while I went out on the floor and danced with the black chick. We were working on hooking the two of them up with each other, it was really like a game we were playing. It's the kind of playfulness that I enjoy, much more complex than what she's used to. The guy was dumb and the chick was not especially attractive so we both knew that the other had no real interest but I thought it was sexy. There was this short, round, forty something appalachian type (wow, my spell checker doesn't recognize the word "appalachian", how typical) who was all over the girl and I kept taking her away from him. I was really feeling confident because that girl was really all up on my dick in a very literal way but the whole time I kept eye contact with Stacy. It's really a non-player habit but when I go somewhere with someone I really like I only have eyes for them.

Anyway, we actually stayed the whole duration and closed out the place. Didn't leave until like 2:15. I had called Ryan's phone and they were all back at his house, including Quay but not including Chelsie so I just said "fuck it". As we were leaving I asked Stacy if she wanted to try to find Ryan's dad's house but she just wanted to go back to my place. She was really talkative, still talking about how much she wanted to go to Ireland and how she just didn't dance close with people and that it was nothing against me and that she just didn't want to develop any close emotional commitments because she still was planning on going to Ireland sometime soon. I took this as especially encouraging because I had almost accepted that she just plain wasn't attracted to me in a romantic way at all (regardless of how much everything about her screams to me someone who would be) and if it was just a fear of getting involved in something only to possibly leave it behind at some time in the future, I could work around that. I'm used to there just being a plain brick wall in my way, though. We got back to my house and she changed into jeans and a t shirt which she also looked really good in. We started watching the second run of [adult swim] and she played her Chrono Trigger game while I made us French Toast and coffee. We continued our discussion of much more intellectual things than I'm sure she gets the opportunity to usually discuss and we started to sober up. There was a lull in the conversation and I had been thinking about what she said in the car so I summoned up enough courage to say "You know what's weird?" "What?" "That you would have said that you don't want to get into an emotional relationship because you're planning to go to Ireland" "Yeah, I just don't feel like it." "Well, I had pretty much accepted that, even as much sense as it makes to me, that you just plain weren't interested in me at all." and then she said "Well of course I am, as a friend. It's just not like that." And I was instantly crushed. I probably could have phrased it better, like "Is that why you have been so resistant to going any further with me?" or "Is that why you never want to break the ice with me?" (to have used a phrase that she herself used earlier in the night when we were talking about intimacy). And in retrospect what she said wasn't any more discouraging than what she usually says but at that particular moment at three something in the morning it really made me feel like shit.

I sat there with her for a few minutes more and then I just told her I was going to go to bed. She was really concerned that she pissed me off and I told her no, that I understood and that she needs to not worry so much about pissing people off. I brought her out a blanket and told her to come get me if she needed anything. I went in and laid town in the darkness, intentionally far to the side of the bed in case she decided to come in and talk. It was the hope that that could happen that let me relax even a little bit. After what I thought was just a little bit later, my phone rings in my pocket and it's Stacy - I thought she was calling me from the other room but it turns out that she had walked home (it's only a couple blocks even though it was very, very cold). She said she was just calling to let me know that she'd made it home okay. I told her that she could have asked me to drive her and she said that she said my name a couple times but she I must have been out. I didn't think I had been but it's possible that I was. I could totally hear in her voice that she was still worried that I was mad at her and I got off the phone pretty quickly. She said that she would see me tonight but I think I'm going to go up to Columbus and leave the doors locked here, not answer any phone calls. I really just want to get some ego rebuilding by visiting Kelly who is very anxious to see me but I'm also aware that, at the same time, it will worry Stacy a little bit that I'm cutting her out of my life. I know very well that is her biggest fear and I could very easily use it to manipulate her but I told her last night that I have been making a conscious effort not to manipulate people anymore. I don't know if it counts as manipulation when it's just a side effect of something else that I want to do anyway. When it comes right down to it, visiting an ex girlfriend because I want an ego boost isn't exactly the most altruistic of activities either but if I truly subject my entire life to the harshest of moral logic I'm sure I would end up sitting in a cave on a mountain all alone for the rest of my life with the exception of the occasional visit from people who wanted only my advice.

Anyway, I have some errands to run and I need to get a bunch of auctions posted today because my eBay and PayPal accounts are finally in good standing and they're having a one day only twenty cent listing fee special today. But before that I think I'll take a warm bath for about an hour. Maybe I'll even go tanning.
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[12 Jan 2007|02:54pm]
It makes it hard when Kelly's actually a good girl, she's been on her Paxil correctly for a month and she's not on any other drugs that are interfering with it. She was a little loopy on cough syrup last week but she wasn't even on that. She was perfectly nice. I enjoyed the time that I spent with her and she didn't pressure me to spend more than I wanted. I feel a little bit bad because this is kind of the reverse of what it was like with Kara where she was only spending Friday nights with me a lot of weeks and it wasn't enough affection for me. Kelly's even paying for my gasoline again but after all the things that have happened I just don't feel like I could be in love with her.

Chelsie and I had lunch together and it was decidedly more romantic than the identical lunch I had with Stacy on Monday. There's an obvious attraction that I feel from Chelsie that I don't feel from Stacy regardless of how logical it seems to me that she would. I bleached and dyed Chelsie's hair purple while she's going through some turmoil with Russell very much like Ben did to Angeline once very long ago. I enjoy experiencing things that were unpleasant for me in the past from the other perspective and I must admit that I semi subconsciously arrange those sort of situations for my own experience. It was enjoyable, don't get me wrong but I don't feel like I got as much pleasure out of it as the equivalent pain it caused me being on the other side of it. Is this because pain is more intense or memorable than pleasure or is it just indicative of a collapsing entropy even in emotional energy? Both of those are depressing enough that in typing them I developed another alternate theory that perhaps it's directly proportionate to the intensity of my feelings for the respective girls. Is that language confusing enough that only my intended audience will be capable of penetrating it? I think so.

Karaoke Revolution is a blast and chicks dig it. Stacy actually has an impressively lovely voice and we made plans to go to bar karaoke next week. I'm very glad I have plenty of women in my life but I'm still missing the one I really sing for.
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